FnordPrefect [comrade/them, he/him]

“And, obviously, price is the SOLE mechanism we have to limit purchases. I mean, sure, we could simply not allow one dude to back up a dumptruck to push 10,000 rolls of toilet paper into-”

*crowd interrupts with cheers*

"But-BUT that would be Un-American and communist! And my father died fighting those commies!

“So that will be $65 a roll if you want to wipe your ass”

Would it be a reasonable guess that this could be caused by untreated farm runoff from infected cows’ poo?

The US army has been training these militants inside Al-Tanf under the pretext of confronting ISIS.

“Look, just put these two letter patches after your name and we’ll fund you instead of fight you. Deal?”

One month later

“We’re pleased to announce the eradication of ISIS with the heroic deeds of our forces in the area: ISISN’T”