I’m gonna be honest, I’m not asking for a friend, I’m asking for myself. Our daughter (24) married this man (65) in September. She herself stated money was the main reason, and he knows it but it doesn’t bother him. Both my husband & I are having a very hard time getting used to the idea.
I don’t know how I’d deal with it but I can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same thing given the chance, at least at that age. Does she realise that 65 isn’t all that old? He could have decades left in him. Most of my grandparents have lived into their 90s.
She does. And she actually likes him, money was the main reason but it wasn’t the only reason. She said she wouldn’t marry an insufferable person or a vegetable. This man is extremely active, both physically and mentally. I don’t think she’s waiting for his death. Plus he already spoils her to no end now, while he’s alive.
You kind of buried the lede here by not including this info in the main post.
Sounds like your daughter is just being honest. Honest, open communication is important for a successful relationship. There’s all sorts of reasons for sparking the initial interest/attraction, but what is important is that the relationship has more bones than the initial spark, which it sounds like it probably does.
My wife caught my eye because she literally caught my eye. That doesn’t mean I’m only with her for her looks just because that was the initial reason for my interest.
As others have said, the main concern here is that she needs to ensure that she has her own financial security separate from him so she is not trapped or up shit creek if his finances go away for any reason.
Beyond that, the age difference can affect power dynamics and expectations within the relationship. That’s less your business, more between her and him. It takes a lot of open discussion and willingness to compromise and work with each other.
My wife is somewhere around 15 years older than me. We started dating when I was past college but younger than 25. Just barely within the half plus seven window. We have differing opinions on acceptable levels of cleanliness/organization, and how household chores are to be split up. It also doesn’t help that I didn’t have nearly as long of a time living on my own before moving in with her. But with a lot of discussion and patience on both sides we make it work.
This is interesting and I think it sounds like they are in a better scenario than others who marry for money. I’m glad she actually likes him as well. It’s certainly odd, but it seems like both of them benefit from the partnershipand both seem to be open about it. While unusual, it seems healthier than other types of these relationships where it isn’t clearly stated.
I will say like the one other user said…make sure she has a way that she could support herself in the event he leaves her or something.