Hello there, I’m a 21 year old guy from Germany and have very strong depression because of the constant abusive, toxic and manipulative behavior that I received from my parents since I was a kid.
Those strong depression are also the reason why I struggle a lot in life to get anything done by myself and become independent.
I already lived on my own when I was 17 but I failed because of my depression that made me incapable of taking care of myself which is why I moved back to my parents a year ago who only make it way worse for me because they won’t stop hurting me and treating me like a awful person.
I feel so stuck in life and I tried everything from therapy, mental hospital and medications but nothing worked. The burden is just too strong causing me to feel worthless and incapable of living, I have lots of shame, guilt and major anxiety.
It’s like being paralyzed by the fear of life.
My biggest dream always was to get rid of my parents and live independently on my own but I’m just incapable. I wanna get rid of this victim state so bad but I can’t find a way to escape/deal with the hurt.
Is there anything I can do?
There’s some good advice from other people, especially about continuing to pursue medication and/or therapy when possible, but in terms of putting distance between you and your parents so you can feel safe, there’s a couple things I think might help.
First off is something other people have mentioned: going on a jog/walk regularly, preferably daily, to give yourself the physical distance from your parents. Making sure you regularly have 15-45mins to yourself every day will help a lot with giving yourself room to mentally and physically be away from them.
Second, finding places other than your room for spending time and relaxing will help a lot too. If you have a local library, a park, a café, anywhere that you can spend a few hours hanging out at, that will help a lot too. I mention cafés and libraries because they usually offer free internet and a calm environment, so you can hang out in a corner and do whatever personal work/fun stuff without being at home. For example, I used to stay at our library after school and do homework, talk with friends, and pass time on the internet. The other upside to these places is seeing new faces more often, plus it can be a chance to meet with friends, or find new friends if you’d like.
I’m not sure what your financial situation is like, but in any case these should be cheap, low-barrier-to-entry options for getting away regularly. I’m also in my 20s and have pretty intense anxiety, so I know first-hand that there’s a way for us, it’s just not as easy as it should be. You’re already doing better than I was: you’re asking questions and seeking help. As long as you keep searching for help and regularly giving yourself the mental/physical space to have some peace, you’ll be alright.
I hope some of this was helpful for you, I hope you’re able to find what you need to get the peace you deserve.