It probably helps in one way and harms in another to say: it feels that way because it is that way.
It’s at least nice to know you’re onto something. You’re seeing what’s there. Your head is screwed on straight! Yay!
The situation still sucks, but a partial victory is a partial victory.
If you wanna go hard, shrooms, acid, mdma, ketamine are the ones you want.
Take them seriously, they’re powerful. Be in a relatively good headspace, have someone you trust with your life to watch over you the whole time. I don’t know if you need a sitter for mdma.
Don’t try to control what happens. Shrooms and acid specifically are like one giant alien rollercoaster teaching you the lesson, “when you try to be in control, life is hell, when you go along for the ride, it’s bliss”. They do that by making it hell the second you attempt to exert your will on the trip, and sending you into bliss when you go with it.